Why bother

A few years ago, my life was a complete mess. I’ll spare you the details, but maybe it’s enough to say that I made the decision to completely change not only my lifestyle but many other factors at the last possible moment.
I don’t know where I’d be now if I hadn’t made that decision.

Taking steps toward a better life quickly made other aspects of my life uncomfortable.

I’ve always known that life isn’t just about earning money, saving, and spending it until retirement, and then facing a frail old age.

I knew there was more, but I didn’t know how to get there.

I didn’t want to live like I’m programmed to achieve social status. I was never interested in building a career, accumulating material goods, getting mortgage, going on an all-inclusive vacation once a year and allowing myself short-term pleasures, just to kill the emptiness and sorrow.

I wanted a simple, peaceful life at my own pace. A life where I can decide about - at least - most of my time.

I knew I had to reprogram myself. To change my identity.

I’ll spare you the details of the entire process of my transformation now - that’s a topic for another time. Besides, it hasn’t come to an end yet. In a way, I hope it never does. That the process of change is a continuous one. A sign that I’m still awake and alive.

The fact that I picked up a camera was in a way a consequence of my change in thinking. As far as I can remember, I’ve always created something. I wrote, engaged in performance art, and later became a manager of music bands. I was surrounded by artists and tried to create art myself.

Until the moment I became an adult and had to start paying my bills. At first, I wasn’t very good at it (I’ll get back to that someday). But over time, for some reason, I let myself get convinced that I should focus on serious things.

Now, I feel like it’s time to return to this seriously. I feel that the need to create - just like the need to live in harmony with nature - are the two main pillars that for me represent stepping beyond the programmed way of life.

And stepping into a life that belongs to me.

I like to remind myself that making, being creative, is something we nurture in children and take pride in. In adult life, the value of creativity decreases, and over time, its definition changes – from the unrestrained joy of creation to increased productivity on a different, higher level (of course, in the context of professional work).

I like to remind myself that to nurture creativity in myself and be proud of it, I don’t need anyone else but myself.

It's a bit of a curse, but also a privilege, that I am somewhere in my 40s, at the beginning of a new path. A curse, because I feel the breath of passing time, and in the mirror, I see how this time physically affects me.

And a privilege – because I can. I can afford to change my lifestyle, to completely transform my identity. That I can strive for a model where I will feel more like myself and even more in harmony with myself. Calmly. Slowly. Just the way I truly like.

You can do it, too.

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